the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
