I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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