I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
