i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
don't judge my taste in strippers
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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