first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
