His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize