I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize