its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
