I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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