Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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