New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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