i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize