the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize