I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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