Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
