Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
