This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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