So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I want her autograph on my taint
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
