Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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