Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
