dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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