I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize