We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
