I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
