oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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