So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
