How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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