Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
