You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
