i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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