morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
