It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Randomize
