so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
vagina is talking i cant
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
