I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
