Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
