if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
