I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's blow job season.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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