He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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