Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
