You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
