I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
