She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
