You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
