She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
