You smell like a Billy Joel song
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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