"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
