Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
