you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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