I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
