I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
