so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
