I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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