I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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