i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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