Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
