we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
