and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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