I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
