I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Actions speak louder than pants.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize