oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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