Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
