i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
