You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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