i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
