I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
