I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
