well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
