my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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