you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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