yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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