It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
