I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
