he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
